Let me tell you a little story about a dialog which transpired between J and myself, sometime in the Fall of 2006. 

J, with his ever-present patience, love, and serene manner was teaching me a lesson about listening quietly for the Holy Spirit's Voice, for direction and Guidance.  He was reminding me that we "need do nothing" to be loved by our Creator -- that Who we are is never determined by anything we seem to DO as bodies.  Our real essence is Light, ever-shining as extensions of God, far beyond the illusion of the body. 

Classic ego, front and center, I said in reply, "Yea, yea, that's lovely and all, but come on, J.  We are DOERS!  We want to DO something!  Tell us what to DO!.."

Without missing a beat, I heard J, with nothing but love in his voice, "Amy, do you want something to do?  I'll give you something to do.  ACTIVELY SURRENDER."  He said those words, "actively surrender", with a slow deliberation, and I could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke, as if to say, "Ha! What do you think about that?"  : )

Well, I'll tell you what I think about that.  J's instruction that day has been extremely helpful to me.  Indeed he gave me something to DO.  Every time I get caught up in the idea of needing to DO something, I am reminded who it is wanting to "do"!  The ego is looking to take the wheel, and as J has reminded me many times, when the ego attempts to drive, disaster is bound to ensue.  What can possibly go right when one is driving blind-folded?  And that, my friends, is precisely what we are trying to do if we attempt to drive, let alone navigate, alone.  We know nuttin' about nuttin'!  As J says, from page 170 in the Text:

"If you have no idea what is happening, how appropriately can you expect to react? You might ask yourself, regardless of how you may account for the reaction, whether its unpredictability places the ego in a sound position as your guide. Let me repeat that the ego's qualifications as a guide are singularly unfortunate, and that it is a remarkably poor choice as a teacher of salvation. Anyone who elects a totally insane guide must be totally insane himself. Nor is it true that you do not realize the guide is insane. You realize it because I realize it, and you have judged it by the same standard I have."

When I was asking for something to do that day in Fall of 2006, I was asking with well- enough intentions, certainly.  I was indeed asking for J's Guidance, from my heart, and I got it!  However, when I was asking, the answer I, myself, was looking for was something different.  I was expecting him to tell me to go write something, or volunteer somewhere, etc.  However, what I have since realized is that I (Little Amy Ego, as J calls her) was already attempting to jump the gun and fill in the blanks for J.  MY ideas of what "SHOULD" happen and what I "SHOULD" be doing were already filling in the spaces of my upcoming hours and days.  Before I could really hear the call of J's instructions, I first had to surrender all of my ideas and allow room for his. 

As J says about our "good intentions", from page 380 in the Text of ACIM:

"Trust not your good intentions. They are not enough. But trust implicitly your willingness, whatever else may enter. Concentrate only on this, and be not disturbed that shadows surround it. That is why you came. If you could come without them you would not need the holy instant. Come to it not in arrogance, assuming that you must achieve the state its coming brings with it. The miracle of the holy instant lies in your willingness to let it be what it is. And in your willingness for this lies also your acceptance of yourself as you were meant to be."

As he tells me often, with the sense of humor I have grown to love that is so readily apparent in J -- fun, yet never at anyone's expense -- he says, "Please allow me to drive AND navigate.  Now, get in the back seat, and pipe down back there!  And just enjoy the ride!"  : )  What he is so lovingly expressing, with good humor, is that he doesn't need us shouting route suggestions from the back.  He doesn't need us to tell him that I-440 is a traffic nightmare at 5:30, so be sure to take Wade Avenue, instead!  : )  He is not our AAA travel guide, either.  So often, we have the tendency to look at him that way.  We'll drive, thank you, J, but sure, what the heck.. We'll take a few suggestions under consideration from you before we head off on the trip!...  No, no..  We must attempt to resist that thinking, actively surrender to J's direction where all is optimized for the All, and don't forget to enjoy the ride!

What Does the Gentle Surrender FEEL Like?

Recently, I was thinking about the concept of "gentle surrender", what that actually means, and how to explain it.  I know what it feels like for me, how it is a letting go of the need to understand, and to let that little tiny "click" into "FEELING" happen where we just allow ourselves to sink in to the realization that there is nothing to fear, nothing we need understand, and that all of the bracing we do is utterly pointless.  A vision of sorts came to me, quite different from the visions I consider "mystical", but nevertheless a vision, and I'd like to share it with you now.

The gentle surrender to me feels much like the rare days in the South when we receive an unexpected, deep snowfall.  The "world", locally, just stops.  There is a tangible energy to the peace which befalls the Triangle, as a new sense of quiet drapes over the cities like a quilted blanket, muffling all sounds.  The whiteness of the snow alters visual perception, leaving everything clean  and new and innocent in appearance.  There is a moment of calm and serenity which settles in over the urban landscape when people begin to wake up and realize that their routine has been altered by Mother Nature, a force not to be argued with.  The school children and snow lovers plan to do no arguing, regardless!  On this day, the workholics and worriers also ultimately realize that, well, seeing as how they cannot get the car out of the driveway!....... they are not going anywhere on THIS day. 

And it is then the gentle surrender is allowed, as all succomb to the realization of what is now inevitable for the day.  The hustle and bustle of every day life is replaced, albeit so briefly, by folks in warm wooly socks, warm and toasty inside drinking hot chocolate, enjoying "forced" time with their families.  There is a peace to these times, when they happen unannounced, unplanned, as if to say that since we did not plan for them, the outcome is not on our shoulders, and therefore we are really free to relax! 

What we ultimately must realize is that, no matter how much we think we are "planning", the future is never REALLY in our hands, now is it?  If we can accept that the future is actually imaginary and merely surrender what we do not understand to the One Who does, each moment can become that "unplanned", "not on our shoulders" blissful existence!

As what always does happen, as it must, the sun warms the earth, and the snow begins to melt.  The anxious ones emerge from their homes with shovels and begin to wonder and question, thinking, "I probably COULD get the car out of the driveway now, and if I could just get out of the neighborhood, I COULD get to work!...", (growl, grumble, mumble, fear thoughts abounding, wondering how many co-workers have already made it in to the office, making us look bad that we aren't there yet!)  And yet the fundamental thing to note is this:  Absolutely nothing has changed.  There is no reason the same peace and tranquility which was experienced during the gentle surrender of the snowstorm's hush and stillness cannot continue right on through the snow shoveling, right on through the icy, dicey drive to work, right on through the ages!  Nothing has changed, except our thoughts and perceptions as we came out from behind our hot chocolate and became fearful again about prospects of returning to the world "out there", perceiving ourselves separated from each other.  If the gentle surrender is held within, our true connectedness is so much more easily perceived, and indeed lived.

John Denver captured the essence of "surrender" so beautifully in his song, "Sweet Surrender".  We've included the lyrics here.  In the lyrics, John writes to "..Live, live without care.."  Knowing John and how much he certainly did care, I feel confident in saying that these words do NOT equate to live without HEART.  To the contrary, I believe John was instructing us to live our lives with TRUE love, unhinging as much as we can from the ego's way of seeing, which is full of ever-present judgment, and instead ask J and the HS to replace the ego's perception.  When we do that, we live with love and care for EVERYTHING, remembering as J teaches us in the "miracle points" that all love is maximal.  As John goes on to say in the next line.. "...like the fish in the ocean, like the bird in the air.."  The fish and the bird know how to just BE.  They do not judge and fragment, rank and worry.  When we surrender to J's Guidance, we can indeed live like the fish in the ocean and the bird in the air!  Surrendering does NOT mean capitulating!  Hardly.  It means we are seeking REAL Guidance for the first time EVER.  We are taking off the blindfold and asking to be led and directed by the One who can indeed see. 

All photography by Amy Barrington unless otherwise noted. Photo of blue storm clouds at top of page by Chloe Barrington-Ham.